i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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