I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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