Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
