If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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