and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
