trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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