I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
