I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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