The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
