i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
