Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
