how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
