he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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