Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
