Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
