im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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