the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
