god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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