i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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