I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
