Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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