we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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