The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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