Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
