he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Everyone says I win the strip club
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
