wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
