I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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