I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
