So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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