We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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