I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize