I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
