Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
