I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
