Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
