Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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