Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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