Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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