Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
MIDGETS
????
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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