like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
