Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
