im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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