seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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