you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
