I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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