I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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