Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
