Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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