I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
