There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
