They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
false alarm, still single
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
