Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
