I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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