He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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