They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
