i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
