i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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