You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
