i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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