i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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