There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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