well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I party with great urgency now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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