me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
