Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
