there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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