Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
