So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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