god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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