You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
