Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
