I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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