My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
