I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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