dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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