I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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