I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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