frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
