If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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