We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
vagina is talking i cant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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