I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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