My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
