your parents love me but you hate me
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she smelled like a LAN party
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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