I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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