Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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